Angel Inklings
by Purple Wolf Girl
Summary: She was the beauty. He was the misfit. Together they became inseparable until a misfortunate fate tangled their destinies. Now, as he grieves, the most unlikely person of all is his guide, and he uncovers the most desired answers. BBT, slight BBR. ONESHOT


**Author's Note:** Hi-lleo! Um…well, here is yet another repost of "Love me Senseless", and it is told from Beast Boy's point of view about the loss of Terra, and how Raven guides him through the question he most desires an answer for. Well, please review.

**Summary: **_She was the beauty. He was the misfit. Together they became inseparable until a misfortunate fate tangled their destinies. Now, as he grieves, the most unlikely person of all is his guide, and he uncovers the most desired answers. BBT, slight BBR._

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Teen Titans or any related terms, and I don't own Youtube or Mr. Clean, but I do own every single word in my stories.

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**Angel Inklings**

_I guess that I should know by now that there's more to life than self-pity and making stupid puns. I've always thought highly of certain things. I put someone I thought I loved high on top of a pedestal, and I left the unexpected down on the cold ground. But she was everything. She was pretty and brave…_

…_I was the geeky kid with a sort of annoying-boy-next-door quality. I've never really had a ton of self-confidence, but I play the part of a guy who does. I know that my best friends have that part down to a science, and I don't even think they have to play it anymore. It comes naturally. Whether they kick my butt at video games or combat practice, they never act like someone they're not. That's probably why they're never alone on a Saturday night watching random crap on Youtube. One of them has a girlfriend, and the other is working on how to win his interest over. I try hard—maybe even too hard and eagerly—to get a date once in a while with someone up to my standards. But…what if my standards are too high? I mean…ever since my first summer love…I've always expected to land the blonde with layered shirts and hiking boots who laughs at my jokes…no matter how stupid they are. But maybe there's only one of her kind, and right now, she's far out of my reach. I thought maybe she'd come back. She didn't. It shook me until I shattered and become beyond repair…_

"Raven, what time is it?"

She didn't pay any mind to me and just kept staring at her hardcover book. She watched the words on the page intensely, but she didn't bother to look at the clock on the wall. She offered a weak rise of her shoulders, and then let them fall when she exhaled. "Don't know. Don't really care." She murmured.

I frowned, squinting my eyes. "You're closer to the clock."

She looked up from the page for a brief second; only long enough to send me a threatening glare. "If you really want to know the time so badly," she moaned, "Then get off your lazy butt and check the clock yourself. I'm busy, Beast Boy."

"You don't look it. You read, like, 24/7, so it doesn't exactly prove to me that your life is a completely full schedule that jerks you around." I said bluntly. "Am I right?"

She shook her head slowly at me. "Not really, and, in addition, you're the biggest pain in the ass I've ever had the misfortune to meet."

"Frankly, I don't agree." I retorted. "I'm a perfectly dandy person, and I'm so not gonna take that from Miss. Cranky-Pants; A.K.A. Raven Roth of Jump City, New York…zip code not memorized yet."

"I hate you, Beast Boy," she snarled. "You have no clue what the limit for people is, and one of these days reality is going to smack you straight across your stupid green face."

I distorted my features, spreading myself out supine on the feathery couch. "You're going to hit me?"

"Well, hey, who knows? Maybe a good impact on your head will snap your intelligence back into place. That is…if you ever had any to start with."

"Ha! And you say that I go beyond limits."

"You do. Harassing you is just more interesting because you never do anything about it."

_I've_ _tried to heal. It's kind of hard to when you're being brought down by rude comebacks and every person you ask out usually says no…unless they're dared by one of their friends. Robin never asks out any girl. And yet, he's been asked out practically every time he takes a step outside. Some of the girls that ask him out are pretty, or average, or kind of geeky. But he says no every single time that occurs; probably because Starfire is standing there watching him every time they come up. They'll flip their hair and suck in their stomachs, even wink and try to touch him and attempt to run their hands through his hair. Well, that's never happened to me, but it does happen to Cyborg…even though he has no hair and he's so much balder than Mr. Clean! Maybe they like his baby-butt-bald head…_

_Both of those guys—well, I think they take the attention thing for granted. I never and/or rarely get attention, but when I do, I absorb it like a sponge. I sort of like the way people smile at me in a kind way, and when on the rare occasions that I don't get harassed about things I never did and never intend to do, I think something detaches from me. It feels like there's a leech or something that's clinging for dear life to my skin. I suppose it could be a figment of my imagination, but something is draining all my energy out. But I know that someday, somehow, I'm going to swell up with confidence and acceptance of the past and that fat little sucker will get so chunky and tired that it'll fall off and I can crush it once and for all…unless it's super chubby and, like Jell-O with weird chunks in it, it's kind of hard to poke at and dispose of…_

"Hey, ya Rae! What's up today!"

I bursted into the room with a forced smile and blueberry pie smudged all over my face and clothes. I looked like a dog right out of a fresh mud puddle—with blue food dye, I guess—and I probably smelled like a giant chunk of fruit. She gave me a deranged look and the lavender candles surrounding her flickered when she pried open one of her eyes. She remained in levitation with her cloak flapping wildly behind her as she saw all the pie plastered on me, little pieces of crust plopping down on her plum carpet. She leered at me. I could almost taste her frustration, and it definitely didn't taste as sweet as the pie.

She inhaled slowly, taking her time. "Why are you here?"

I tortured myself inwardly. "Um…I just wanted to tell you that I won—"

Raven's lip quivered with rage as she stood up without much hesitation. "Get out."

"W—why?" I stammered. "I haven't done anything!" Another chunk of crust slipped from my pant leg and onto her carpet. She exhaled, slowly.

"Because you're dripping pastry…all over my room. Enough said."

"You know, someone at the carnival said that the pie flattered my face. You know…the pie takes off ten pounds! Hee-heh. Oh, wait. Maybe that's 'add ten pounds'…well, who cares? I look fabulous in any pastry!"

Her skin flushed from gray to a ghostly white. "Get out of here and maybe—oh, I don't know—leap off a rocky cliff while you're at it."

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."

"You're kidding, right?"

"…Should I be?"

_Blah, blah, blech! I always seem to ramble on about random crap, and I'm sick of having a habit of beating around the bush. I am trying to get to the point. I'm attempting to reach the end of this tunnel and discover the light and accept what I cannot change and have the brains to figure it out on my own. I truly and sincerely wish that honesty wasn't such a pain in the butt, so that I could lie and that sissy voice in the back of my mind wouldn't say, "Hey you booger-colored jerk, you're either gonna tell the truth or a sudden burst of soy milk might just happen to waterfall out of your nose in front of that cute blonde at the Pizza Place!"_

Well, if I'm going to come clean, I might as well do it now… 

"Raven?"

"Yes?"

I looked over at her. She kept her eyes on the page of the book. The night was so dark…I was surprised she could recognize the words printed on the page.

I stared at the stars from the chilly site of our roof, and the man on the moon winked at me as I inched closer to her. I returned the gesture with a weak grin, and tugged childishly at the end of her cloak. She raised her brows up to her hairline and shrugged at me. She no longer looked annoyed, but more sympathetic, really.

"Do you think she loved me?" I said softly.

She frowned at me. "Hard to say." I pulled my knees up to my chin, forcing back the sorrow that came quite often now.

She put the book down gently next to her, and bit her lip as she thought of a reply. "Well…I guess it depends on what kind of love you're curious about."

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

She pouted. "I think she loved you in more ways than one."

"Can you tell me?"

She crossed her legs and closed her eyes, but I could see that they weren't as cold as they usually were. She finally understood me for the first time…in a long time. "First of all, I know she loved you as a friend—best friend."

I inched a little closer. "Raven, what else?" She sighed.

"She loved you like family—she knew you'd be there to back her up."

I was intrigued. "Yeah…?"

Raven shook her head, her short hair bouncing a bit. "She loved you like crush. It gave her something to expect and dream about."

"Is that all?" I asked bitterly. She cupped her hand over her cheek.

"No." She replied slowly. She sounded like her voice was drowning in the same misery mine was. But she sounded as if she was already engulfed under every wave in the sea. I pitied her…she actually cared. "She loved you in the same way that true lovers do. She loved you as if she was going to lose you before the day was over. She loved you to the point where it frightened her, because she wasn't used to so much emotion steering toward one person. But, most importantly…" She paused to turn to me. Her eyes shimmered as the moon played with the reflections in the water. "…She loved you more than even she knew."

I bit my lip until it bled. I no longer fought back tired, rotting memories as I buried my face in my hands. My temples throbbed viciously in my head and I heard Raven turn the page in her book. The crinkled paper fluttered in the wind as Raven shivered slightly. I listened to her whimper weakly when she spat her answer into the air. My eyes burned as I attempted to push back the tears that were so desperate to be free. I watched the sea and fell onto my back with a crack of my spine. "Raven," I managed to squeal. "How…how do you know this?"

She closed her eyes in thought, the way Terra used to. Her hair screamed as it blew in the wind, and she waited for an answer to arrive in her mind underneath the violet moon.

"Beast Boy," She said quietly; hoarsely. "Why didn't you?"

_One time, I asked her how long forever was, and if she would stay with me for that long. Terra shook her head and smiled to herself. Her long, blonde hair brushed against the trickles of water that were washing up on the rocks as she closed her blue eyes in thought. She searched for peace--for once in the little time I'd become acquainted with her. Terra…she never gave anything much thought. This was the first time I'd seen her consider her choices before doing or saying something foolish. In the sense of leaping before looking, she was similar to me._

"_Well," she finally said, "I guess it's about as long as you would want it to be." _

_But I don't think that time periods of eternity work that way. I don't think you get to choose what path your destiny takes. Maybe we're not supposed to know where we are going to go or say or do. I don't know if I'll get into the A-List at parties or if they'll have to make up a Z-List just to squeeze me in. I'm sort of a misfit. My features aren't ordinary and I'm the baby of my 'adoptive' family. I don't know where my real family is, and I guess I don't intend to search the world for a group of people with olive skin and pine-tinted eyes. I wish I knew what life had planned for me, but none of us do. Fortune Tellers can only predict so much. And nobody knew I would be left with nothing but the faint inklings of broken angel wings._

_I'm fond of believing in the expression about how life is similar to a big box of chocolates, and you never know what you are going to get. I know that Robin would want the coconut filling. Starfire would want the chocolate-covered almonds and peanuts. Cyborg would want the fruity fillings. Raven would want the truffles. Terra would have wanted chewy caramel. And…me? I would just want something that wouldn't stick to my teeth. I would want to get all my favorite flavors, but unless there's a map of all the chocolates printed on the inside of the lid, I might need to get a few fillings at the dentist first. I just wish that everyone could get all the bittersweet flavors they desire…_

…_But life isn't that sweet. _

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**A/N:** Well, hoped you liked it. And I know that people like BB/Rae and/or BB/Terra, so I tried to fit a little of both in. XD

Please review!

--Purple Wolf Girl

**PS:** This will not continue. Don't ask me. Oh, and school is keeping me rather busy, so no stories will be updated frequently.

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